Resolute

Every year people make their New Years' Resolutions. And every year they look back and realize that they didn't accomplish them. The worst thing about these resolutions is that they tend to make the same ones every year in the hopes that they'll get it right this time around. Or maybe this time. Or this time. And so on and so forth.

I'm not exempt from this. Far from it. I'm one of the hopeless. Doggedly making that same resolution in the hopes that I'll finally pull it off. And every year I disappoint myself. It's a frustrating circle. The worst thing about my own little circle is that I know that I'm failing the entire time. And yet I keep going around and around. My problem is that I'm not accountable to anyone. Certainly not to myself.

So a few nights ago, when I couldn't sleep, I went for a drive in the hopes that I'd be able to clear my head. I cranked my music and found an old gravel road (hard to find hereabouts) and I just drove aimlessly. And as I was driving I thought about so many things...
I thought about home (which is certainly not here) and how badly I wanted to be back home.
I thought about my future plans. I've told people what I want to do with my life and they look at me funny. Is it 'cause I'm small? I mean really, I'm not a munchkin.
I thought about owning a house of my own and how I could maybe accomplish that.
And I thought about my New Years' resolution. I made the same one I made last year. To get healthy and to work out every day.

So far I've failed miserably. Thankfully it's still not too late to change that failure into success. Whew!
What I've realized is that laziness has become a habit. Being on holiday for 2 weeks can do that to a person. You sleep in and work maybe a couple days a week. The laziness sets in and it's hard to kick it to the curb.
I try to get up early every morning like I used to do but so far all I've managed is 7:00 am. My alarm is set for 5. I used to get up at 5 with no trouble. Now it's all I can do to drag my lazy ass out of bed at 7.
I miss my morning walks with the dog (which I no longer have) and my workouts. :(

So, while I'm sitting here in class supposedly doing my theory questions I started thinking about all this again. So I started talking to my Mum and she pointed out something I already knew but wasn't actually putting into practice. I need to be accountable to someone. Especially if I can't be accountable to myself (which seems to be impossible for me). So I asked if it could be her.
My Mum now has free reign to nag the crap out of me. The nagging rights are limited to doing my workouts however. So with her support and her encouragement (let's call it that instead of nagging) I'm going to kick this habit of laziness and get my butt in gear.

The trick to actually accomplishing a goal is to take a step back for just a minute. Relax a bit. Personally I find that stressing out about a goal or project makes it so much more difficult to accomplish. Some people thrive when they're pressured. For me it totally depends on the situation. School.. Well pressure is good but I don't like it. Same with work for the most part. But when it comes to the physical, say sports or working out, I love having that pressure.
Weird.
I love being pushed to my limit.
Except for right now.
I am so out of shape that every workout I've done lately makes me think I'm going to die. But I am getting better. I wasn't completely convinced that I would die during the last workout I did so that's definitely an improvement.

I have to get back to my class... I've babbled on enough and my break has been over for half an hour... Whoops!

Thanks for reading!